PLEASE LET THE HONEYMOON BE OVER!

Once the issue was settled the pastor finally walked in and began the ceremony. (Please don’t let me cough I prayed silently.) The rest of the service wore on and I only cleared my throat a few times. Afterward I escaped to the powder room and threw a hacking fit. Hubby taps lightly on the door asking if I am ok.  Staggering into his arms I declare that I think I am coming down with something.  Just the words that a celibate and new husband wants to hear from his bride before their wedding night. 

After the formalities were dispensed with we climbed in to “Old Yellow”.  This was the family hand me down pick up truck that had been through various members of his clan. We hadn’t even had time to wash the truck befor the family decorators had gotten access to it during the wedding. So adorned with dirt, toilet paper, traditional tin cans and frozen shaving cream, we drove to downtown  Anchorage for a fun filled romantic honeymoon night of coughing and hacking.

It wasn’t a dark and stormy night. It was a dark, cold and the roads were paved with icephalt night.  That’s the second type of road pavement they have in Alaska. Asphalt in the summer and icephalt in the winter. Those are also the only two seasons they have up  where we lived.  It was a long dreary winter, and a magnificently beautiful summer, all three weeks of it.

We drove to the first motel and grabbed our suitcases out of the truck.  Walking up to the desk, we asked for a room with a jacuzzi.  “I’m sorry”, said the night clerk “but we don’t have any rooms with working jacuzzi’s”. My new husband cast a worried glance in my direction. I was leaning against the wall and hacking away with a cough spasm. He started to sign for the room when I gasped out a laboured, “NO! I’ve got to soak in a jacuzzi!”  I was sweating profusely and my groom was wondering if we shouldn’t be spending our first night in the emergency room instead.

We left to drive around Anchorage looking for the needed therapy of a jucuzi.  To obtian such a room we would have to tap into the rent money that we had gotten as gift from the money tree.  Robbing Peter to pay Paul we found our next likely retreat.  Hubby left me in the truck with the heater running as I was now seized with cold shivers.  He tried to come running back out to me with a huge grin on his face indicating he had located the right place. However said grin disappeared rapidly as he slipped on a piece of icephalt and glided effortlessly straight into Old Yellow.  I opened the door as he was trying to extricate himself from under neath the truck and smacked him  right back underneath.

Gallantly he pulled himself up into a standing position and slid around behind the vehicle to once again pull the luggage out.   We were given a room on the second floor and my sweetie pie turned the water on to warm up while I undressed to climb into the tub. Sweetie was bringing the luggage into the room just as I prepared to sink my hacking, coughing self into the steaming hot water.  Reaching over to turn the dial for the theraputic bubbles I craved,  aggravation mingled with feelings of fatigue due to the fact that nothing was happening.  I began to sob, and cough, then started laughing hysterically. Hubby was getting really worried now.

 Telling me to stay in the hot water till he returned, he not so gallantly went back to the office desk to register our complaint.  This time he went to the room first and checked to make certain the unit worked.  Wrapped in a huge bath towel and supported by my man, I made my way to the next room.  He left me there to get the luggage.  I dropped my towel on the floor and stepped one leg into the tub.  Unfortunately a wet rag had fallen and dropped into the water where my foot slipped on it causing me to fall and drop on one knee into the water. My other foot hit the metal track on the tub creating a nice gash on my little toe just as sweetie walked in to check on me. 

 I couldn’t read the look on his face as we had only been married a very short time but it was really interesting. I settled into the wonderful, steamy hot bubbles anyway.  “You are bleeding”,  he said as a small edie of blood whirled in the bubbles. “Yep”, I replied.  “Don’t you want me to bandage that?” he asked.  I looked at him very seriously and after wheezing a bit said, “I AM NOT MOVING”.   He backed out of the bathroom and busied himself putting away the luggage.  

It was 9:00 pm by this time so after 3 hours of alternately letting cold water out and refilling the tub with hot water I was ready to emerge.  After drying and putting foofoo and sweet smelly stuff, (between blowing my nose and hacking) I put my frilliest, sexiest nightie on  and sached, with a slight limp, over to the bed where my lover was watching late night news.  He glanced up at his mate, wet hair, sultry smile, and hacking cough.  He got up and turned the covers down on the other bed. 

“What are you doing?”, I managed to wheeze because now I was losing my voice.  “I have to go back to work in two days and I can’t afford to get sick. You are sleeping here until you are better!” he calmly stated.   I don’t know if I ‘ll ever have the nerve to risk a second honey moon.

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