Archive for January 19th, 2007

ONLY IN AMERICA


Politically Correct Potscrubbers
Do you lay awake night after night,worrying endlessly about global warming?
I know I do!
Do you wonder, What can I as an individual do to help?
Me too! We must all do our part,Because together we CAN make a difference.
Help eliminate the use of fossil fuels,by discarding that evil nylon pot scrubber, and replace it with PCPs! PCPs are made from all natural loofa!
Do your part to eliminate corporate greed. Our scrubbers are manufactured locally.
Not only do we support the local economy,and donate most of our profits to local hunger relief, (very local)
we even work on a primitive level to save our natural resources.
Instead of using steel scissors ( allowing evil corporate steel manufacturers to profit)
individual members of our family faithfully chew through each fiber carefully snipping and nibbling them to square perfection. We are gradually losing our teeth but hey,
the environment is worth it! They are then washed by hand in the river,
using only biodegradable soaps that were hand made by a family down the street,
on their wood stove and using the ash to make their own lye, stirred with a stick with the bark still on it.
They are then hung out to dry ,on a clothes line made of renewable hemp,
incorporating the use of solar power!
My 7 children will place each PCP in a recycled zip lock bag,
(note to neighbors, please rinse bags before disposing of them, otherwise it gets really gross) saving our land fills and fossil fuels, a double win! PCPs are made from a renewable resource, that adds oxygen to the air and provides local growers with income.
Each loofa plant provides a shelter for local flora and fauna,and for every one loofa harvested two more are planted, while chanting a ritualistic verse and simultaneously beating drums and invoking mother earths blessing on future crops and giving thanks for the ever increasing population of the environmentally conscious,because after all, there is one born every minute, and thanks for the incom…..um opportunity to do our part to save the environment.
SEND CASH ONLY TO:
PCPs SAVING THE WORLD
PO BOX 203
GRAND RONDE, OR
97347
$1.95 plus .50 shipping and handling
PS. This is a REAL product.

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THE PROOF IS IN THE PUDDING


IF FIDO WON’T STAY

PLEASE DON’T HAVE KIDS

“Please sit. Now, stay. Do you need to go? Want to go out side and play? That’s Mommies good boy!”

I bet you thought I was talking to my dog! No, that was a set of instructions that  any well mannered two year old should be able to obey. Yes, I did say two year old.

So if your dog is not house broken, not obedient, unable to follow simple instructions, and ignores you, human kind will not delight in your decendents.!
        If you are unable to discipline a simple creature like a dog, what makes you think you have the capacity to train up a child? Dogs, just like children must be trained to do their daily duties in an appropriate place. The animal must be trained to make its’ needs known so you can provide the appropriate setting. Every one of my children were out of diapers by the age of two and ½ . Each one was able to indicate his or her needs by the age of two.

            Is your four-legged friend still making you late for work, cleaning up little gifts left overnight on the garage floor?  Your kids would probably be the ones still in disposables at the age of four.  Does your furry friend stay put when commanded to? My 3-year old, my six year old, and my 8 year old will all stay in their seats at the doctors office while I keep my appointments. I am the only parent I know of, allowed to leave her children unattended in the children s’ section of the library while I work upstairs.  If your dog openly defies you when trying to get him to stay, then your progeny will be the ones swinging from the chandeliers doing Tarzan yells.
        Is your canine companion capable of proper fetching and how does this even apply to
raising children?  Each of my kids when lined up at the market, shopping lists in hands, eagerly search out and hunt down the items sought after, while comparing price and quality. This task completed they fe…, I mean return to mommy, treasures in hand, pleased with their own efforts.
        If your household dog can’t fetch, then your children will be the ones careening down the isles with shopping carts, crashing into displays and causing general havoc.
       Is Prince quite, politely not disturbing the neighbors with incessant barking that goes on and on and on?  Then your kids, won’t be the ones saying please and thank you like mine do. Complete strangers won’t seek you out, like they do me, just to tell me how refreshingly polite  and well mannered my children are. No, your kids will be the rude brats tripping their elders in the park just for fun.
        Finally, does your furry friend have a healthy and loving respect for you? Does he or she live to gain your praise? My children beam and radiate pride when they have a completed task for me to inspect. That point, when we make eye contact and I say to them, not only with my eyes, but with my touch and my time, that they have pleased me and made me proud, is all the reward they desire.  My obvious love, pride and respect for them and what they have accomplished causes them to actively seek more opportunities to repeat the experience.   

         If your dog just ignores you, then your kids will be the ones that have left you all alone in some care facility at the age of 92, never visiting you again.

Children untrained by the age of 3 are being set up for potential disaster later in life.   Kids
and dogs, need time, attention and discipline. If you don’t spend the time with your dog that it takes to train them, they will not just magically become a, “good dog”. Kids like dogs need time, and discipline. If your really want children then go to a dog obedience training school first, get a dog and practice. Otherwise, please spare the world and don’t inflict the disaster you caused on the world.


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